I need fed-back on my scholarship essay. Im not quite done yet. Im I on the right track?

Im applying for a scholarship, and I need fed-back. Im not done writing my essay, but am I on the right track?
The topic is Health And Fitness.

Seventeen Magazine, the most influential magazine for American teenage girls, inspired me to adapt to a healthy lifestyle. Each subscription includes teenage girls giving a visual description on how to do exercises such as lunges, squats, and push-ups. Seventeen Magazine, also, teaches young girls how to make healthy foods. In fact, the 2009 November issue explains how sugar can cause mental and emotional problems. The magazine, also, explains the danger of drinking alcohol, “It is a depressant that stays in your body and for days” implied Jill P. Weber, the fitness and health editor for Seventeen Magazine, “ a couple of drinks can make you overly emotional and then depressed the day after.” However, teens like Char, Christine, and Ashley had to learn the hard way of an unhealthy lifestyle when they discovered they were diagnosed with clinical depression. After hearing their intriguing stories, I knew I had to alter my unhealthy lifestyle.

what (realistic) things do you do to maintian a healthy lifestyle?

i am doing a report for a scholarship on what regular ppl like you do to stay clean happy and healthy plz don’t say wake up work eat sleep be specific for example:i wake up have a nutritious fruit breakfast go for a mile walk and ……. or what good hygiene products are out there that are worth trying …or what is your daily diet or …….or daily exercise routine
i know there are some good ppl out there that are good with there lives and are happy.

thank you so much i will e-mail you if i use any info thanks again and have fun all is opinion =)

help a girl out starting her essay (thesis)?

im applying for a scholarship on ” why is a healthy lifestyle important in school” essay but i always have trouble doing the first sentece can anyone help me out giving me ideas i would surley appreciate it thank you !!

I think i am a bad writer can anyone give me their opinion?

I just graduated high school and have been writing many scholarship essays but i do not seem to win. I am about to start college and i am scared that i might not be ready any advice? The following is a sample on a scholarsip about “why it is important to practice healthy lifestyles in school”?

Unfortunately, many students have the habit of either skipping breakfast before going to school or not getting enough sleep. What they do not realize is that aside from affecting their health, skipping breakfast and not getting enough sleep also affects them in school. It is important for students to practice healthy lifestyles in and out of school because it will help them be healthy so they can have good attendance, be energized and focused throughout the school day, and ultimately do well academically.
Doing well in school can be challenging for students if they have poor attendance. Everyone knows that the first step in earning good grades is to be in class everyday. Which is why it is important for students to maintain healthy lifestyles so they can be healthy to attend school everyday. A big part of having a healthy lifestyle is practicing good hygiene. But being healthy can seem difficult especially since everyone is surrounded by germs especially students in school. They are virtually everywhere, doorknobs, toilets, windows, desks the list is endless. Unfortunately germs make people sick and can even send them to the hospital. The good news is that germs and the illnesses they can cause are preventable. Practicing good hygiene is the key to avoiding them. Of course we can’t get rid of all germs but with good hygiene students have less of a chance of becoming ill. Good hygiene can go a long away. If students practice good hygiene they can avoid getting sick and prevent unnecessary absences from school. If students practice good hygiene when they are young it will make it easier for them to practice it in the future because they are so used to it that it will be like second nature to them.
Students who do not practice healthy lifestyles usually have a lack of energy or have trouble concentrating in class. That lack of energy and minimum concentration ability often prevents students from learning. A serious problem that lack of energy leads to among students is the consumption of energy drinks, coffee, and other energy related products. A large amount of students who consume energy drinks or energy products often abuse them in hopes of increasing energy and being more alert. They are using energy products to make up for their lack of sleep or fatigue resulting from not practicing a healthy lifestyle. Because of the high levels of sugar and caffeine in energy products students can become addicted to them which can cause serious health problems. In order to avoid the dangers of energy drinks and other energy products, students should practice healthy lifestyles so that they are always well rested and energized. If students practice a healthy lifestyle they will have no need to turn to artificial energy which can affect their health. A few important actions that students should include in their lifestyle are to getting enough sleep, eating nutritious foods, and exercising regularly. Being well rested and eating breakfast is especially important for students because it gives them the energy they need for the school day. From Personal experience I can say that being well rested and eating breakfast definitely has a positive impact on school performance. It allows you to think clearer and be more attentive in the classroom. Unfortunately not many students realize how important a healthy lifestyle is in school. But schools should work on influencing the benefits of a healthy lifestyle especially for young students because they are developing and their bodies need to be healthy so they can grow.
It is important for all students to lead a healthy lifestyle because it has a tremendous impact on their academic performance. Students who practice a healthy lifestyle are more likely to do better than those who do not. The reason being that a healthy lifestyle increases a students ability to learn. Students who do not lead healthy lifestyles usually have trouble concentrating in class and their poor concentration ability will prevent them from learning, therefore resulting in bad grades. Any unhealthy lifestyle such as lack of sleep and poor nutrition can make students irritable and reduce their effort in the classroom. It will also prevent them from thinking clearly. On the other hand students who practice healthy lifestyles will feel ready to learn and will be able to concentrate on their work. A healthy lifestyle can even help students raise their test scores. Doctors have even said that eating breakfast and getting a good night sleep will increase a students test scores. A healthy lifestyle is beneficial for all students to practice.
If students want to do well in school they need to make sure they

can you use “I” in an essay?

i’m writing an essay on why a healthy lifestyle is important in school. It’s a scholarship contest. Should i not refer to myself in this essay. Do i not use “I”, can i use “you”. for example “i found this quote similar to myself..”

thanks!